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My My insights and observations encountered on my grief journey after the unexpected death of my 16 year old daughter. It is my hopeIf you are reading this blog it is probably because you know me and are being kind, or you have experienced the worst thing imaginable, the death of your child. My daughter Kaitlyn was 16 years old when she died instantly from an undetected heart ailment. One minute she is at tennis practice with her friends joking and laughing, and the next view I have of her ever etched in my mind is her lifeless body lying on the tennis court with paramedics frantically trying to revive her. She was rushed to the hospital where my wife and I witnessed the medical staff after working on her for more than an hour, try one more time to shock our little girl's heart back to life. Praying desperately for her eyes to open, and for this terrible nightmare to end. It was not to be. My heat was shattered into a million pieces and I swore there was no way of ever waking up from this nightmare.
I don't think that anyone ever really thinks that losing your child is a real possibility. You just take for granted that you will always have them with you. Life is a linear progression and only "older" people die, and even then it may seem like those people died too soon. You hear on the news that a small child has drown in a swimming pool, a child has an untreatable medical condition and has only a few months to live, another has died in a car accident. You may think to yourself how terrible for these parents, and you dismiss it from your mind. Your mind won't let you go there. You say to yourself that will never happen to me. I know that was how I felt, and now I am a member of a club no parent ever wants to belong to: Parents Who Have Lost a Child.
Losing a child is hard enough, but for me there were other factors that complicated my grief:
I hope to one day to host a group of fathers or parents that have lost a child. It would be a more informal social grief group to share memories of our children and to do activities together to build our camaraderie, while re-membering our relationships with our children. If any fathers or parents are interested in contacting me to start a group, Please email at jrsilverwood@verizon.net .
I hope to try and share insights and ideas about grief, depression, and child loss on at least a weekly basis if not more frequently. My hope is that this blog will provide healing for those in need. Please feel free to share your own comments and suggestions for topics in the comment section. If you wish to talk with me privately, please email me and I would be happy to talk with you privately. I am not a licensed counselor, I am just a parent who has lost a child and wants to offer hope that you can survive and even grow in positive ways despite the loss of your child. other parents traveling this painful road might be able to find some hope and comfort here for their grief journeys. and observations encountered on my grief journey after the unexpected death of my 16 year old daughter. It is my hope that other parents traveling this painful road might be able to find some hope and comfort here for their
I don't think that anyone ever really thinks that losing your child is a real possibility. You just take for granted that you will always have them with you. Life is a linear progression and only "older" people die, and even then it may seem like those people died too soon. You hear on the news that a small child has drown in a swimming pool, a child has an untreatable medical condition and has only a few months to live, another has died in a car accident. You may think to yourself how terrible for these parents, and you dismiss it from your mind. Your mind won't let you go there. You say to yourself that will never happen to me. I know that was how I felt, and now I am a member of a club no parent ever wants to belong to: Parents Who Have Lost a Child.
Losing a child is hard enough, but for me there were other factors that complicated my grief:
- I have suffered with social anxiety and depression for most of my life. In and out of therapy, and on and off medications. At the time of Kaitlyn's death I was not on medications or in therapy and I was having a bout with depression and this event sent my depression and anxiety spiraling out of control.
- I had recently resigned from a job I worked for 27 years after being treated unjustly by my employer, and I had not worked through the feelings surrounding this event prior to Kaitlyn's passing.
- I had to take a job for half the pay of my last job which left me and my family struggling to pay the bills. Barely making it from paycheck to paycheck and wondering how we going to make ends meet. At the time, I was more worried about losing our house, and I never even thought I would lose my daughter instead.
I hope to one day to host a group of fathers or parents that have lost a child. It would be a more informal social grief group to share memories of our children and to do activities together to build our camaraderie, while re-membering our relationships with our children. If any fathers or parents are interested in contacting me to start a group, Please email at jrsilverwood@verizon.net .
I hope to try and share insights and ideas about grief, depression, and child loss on at least a weekly basis if not more frequently. My hope is that this blog will provide healing for those in need. Please feel free to share your own comments and suggestions for topics in the comment section. If you wish to talk with me privately, please email me and I would be happy to talk with you privately. I am not a licensed counselor, I am just a parent who has lost a child and wants to offer hope that you can survive and even grow in positive ways despite the loss of your child. other parents traveling this painful road might be able to find some hope and comfort here for their grief journeys. and observations encountered on my grief journey after the unexpected death of my 16 year old daughter. It is my hope that other parents traveling this painful road might be able to find some hope and comfort here for their
