Ideas for Re-Membering
In my last post I suggested that an important aspect of healing after the death of your child is Re-membering, or making sure that you maintain that loving bond you still have with your child on a spiritual basis. Although you may not be able to see them physically, the loving bond you have with them is not destroyed by death. I believe that we can still connect with our children spiritually in the following ways:
Honoring their lives is probably the easiest of the three. It probably is the most satisfying personally as well as making you feel good about your child. We were fortunate that when Kaitlyn died someone approached us and wanted to provide a college scholarship for students at her high school in her name. Also her friend's raised money to put a memorial in front of her school in her honor. The principal of her high school let us attend what would have been her graduation, and gave us her diploma posthumously. These things make you feel a sense of joy knowing people thought so much about your child. I wish every parent would have the fortune that we had, but many parents do not, but there are things that you can do personally to honor your child.
You can volunteer to do something in the community to help others while honoring your child's legacy. I for example began volunteering to help with my church's funeral ministry as a way of giving back while attempting to maybe bring comfort to others who are just beginning their grief journey. You can take up a cause in memory of your child's legacy. You could plant a butterfly garden or a tree in their honor. You could plan an event in their honor such as a butterfly release at one of your child's favorite places. You take a trip that you always wanted to take with your child in their honor. These are just a few of the ways you can honor the memory of your child and for me personally helped me to begin to heal.
Finding ways to connect with your child now can be a difficult one depending on your views on this matter. I think it is the most important of the three because I feel that parents who are unable to do this have the most trouble moving forward. I think they have a greater chance of getting stuck in their grief. As painful as it maybe sometimes, I think it is important to do things that help us remember that they are still here with us just in a different form. Just a few ideas for keeping the bond with your child that people have shared with me and some I have tried are as follows:
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